As a glimpse into what brightsideink.com will be offering, here’s a power ranking that relates to hockey, yet involves the smallest connection to hockey at the same time – the goal songs. You know, the songs you love the most (Chelsea Dagger) and simultaneously hate the most (Don’t Stop the Party).
Presented before you, based on my opinions, biases, and thoughts, are the best goal songs in the league, number 30 to number one. Well, 29, since Minnesota and the Islanders use the exact same goal song – look it up, that shit’s real.
I’m not judging based on horns, because unless your goal song is entirely ruined by horns (cough cough Washington and Winnepeg) they’re over with quickly, and the song is what leaves the impression.
Vancouver Canucks: Exempt
This year, the Canucks began rolling with individual songs, which is something special for the players but something that is really annoying if trying to rank goal songs. And it also sucks because the blanket goal song, “The Miracle of Joey Ramone” by U2, was something special.
#28: When the Saints/Don’t Stop the Party – Organ/Pitbull (St. Louis Blues)
When the Saints isn’t even a St. Louis originated song, instead it comes from New Orleans, which is why it belongs better at a Saints game than a Blues game. I have no idea why this is the Blues goal song, because its not a pumping, heart racing song. It’s like “Oh, the team just scored! That’s Awesome! Let’s sit here and enjoy a song that was recorded on those really early player pianos” If you’re going to go with a jazz song at least go with something that ends with Blues so it’s at least related to the team. There’s also rock songs that end with that word. Instead they went with something that should not have been a finalist, like if Vegas actually became the Sand Knights.
Don’t Stop the Party is the Blues’ overtime goal song, it’s better than Oh When the Saints, but it’s still Pitbull.
#27: Kernkraft 400 – Zombie Nation (Boston Bruins)
As the list goes on you’ll realize the full extent of my problems with generalism and with genericism, and that takes its full effect in Kernkraft 400. It’s a song every team plays, and it’s just kind of meh for a song like that. It’s a lot of woah’s, which is what a vast majority of these goal songs are, and while that is good to get a chant going, it’s not much of substance. I will never understand why the Bruins don’t take advantage of the Dropkick Murphys Boston cultural phenomenon and use “Shipping Up to Boston”; for their goal song, it would be a more fitting song for the city, plus, it sounds amazing.
#26: The Wicker Man – Iron Maiden (Washington Capitals)
Don’t get me wrong, the guitar to open this song is amazing and can get you in the mood for hockey really easily, but the goal horn they use over this completely ruins the song, and the rest of the song itself is not as strong as Winnipeg’s use of “Shout” and Washington’s goal song simply can’t survive the over use of horn. Had they used a better horn or simply ended it earlier, this song is further up this list.
#25: Hey Hey Hockeytown – Kid Rock (Detroit Red Wings)
Let’s get one thing straight – I am not biased against the Red Wings like previous generations of Hawks fans. There is no bad blood between me and them, they left the Central division before I was a serious hockey fan, and my only memories of playing them come from the 2013 7 game series, where it was a battle every game and anybody could have won, and what a great story that was. I respect and kind of like the Red Wings organization and wish them all the luck in the world going against the East from now into the future. I cannot say the same of Kid Rock, a Drumpf voter who symbolizes all that is wrong with white America. The song sucks too, even though it’s awesome that the Red Wings got an original song written just for them. If their song came from a different source, welcome to the top 10 Detroit.
#24: Break Away – CFO$ (Ottawa Senators)
Here’s the thing about this song – it started life as a WWE entrance, and most of those are not good songs. Very rarely do you watch WWE and think, wholly shit, that song is something special. Yet again, if you’re a hockey fan, very rarely do you watch WWE. It’s also bland and generic, two things that turn me off from a song, and full of whoas.
#23: Righteous Smoke – Monster Truck (Calgary Flames)
I don’t like this song and there’s no specific reason. It’s a decent rock song, with fine lyrics, but it’s also bland and generic. It’s also a better song than any before it on this list. I just wish Calgary threw the word Fire into their goal song instead of the word Smoke. Cause it’s easy to make fun of a team named the Flames who rock out to a song called “Righteous Smoke”. Cause they can’t last far enough into the regular season they become Smoke.
#22: Shout – Otis Day & The Knights (Winnipeg Jets)
This is a great song, one especially meant for a goal song, a song that gets everyone in an arena amped and rearing to go, watching some great hockey. It gets fans up and moving. And the Jets ruined it by overuse of their horn. This song becomes, when the Jets score, Train Horn Shout – Trains ft. Otis Day. That’s not a good song. That’s a low rated song in this list. Clean it up and welcome to the top 5.
#21: Fluxland – XL (Tampa Bay Lightning)
You know how I said I had a problem with genericism? Yeah.
#20: Stadium Love – Metric (Edmonton Oilers)
This is a great band, and one that should absolutely be used for goal songs, but not this song. Just because a song features the word “Stadium” does not mean it should be used IN a Stadium. Instead, had the Edmonton Oilers chosen to use Metric’s best song “Help I’m Alive”, they are just that much better and the crowd still gets that jumping feeling. Plus, that shit’s catchy. …like a hammer
#19: Slapshot – Ray Castoldi (New York Rangers)
Suffers the same problem that Fluxland does, but it does it in the rock genre instead of the electronic, and it seems somehow less like the stereotype of a goal song. Plus, the song itself is obviously hockey themed and was perhaps written just for the Rangers, and that’s what the Detroit Red Wings aimed to do and failed at. Therefore, this song makes it into the top 20.
#18: Power Ride 2010/I Love LA – Fred Coury/Randy Newman (LA Kings)
I’m gonna be honest, Power Ride is a good song from a team I hate. I do hate the LA Kings. Power Ride is perfectly fine if filled with the woahs disease that most, if not all, these songs suffer from, but the problem is, the song is only pulling part time duty. The other song, from one… Randy Newman? Is that correct?… is an awful song. A downright, somewhat racist, massacre of any semblance of music. He claims that everybody in New York looks like monkeys and he makes fun of my city, my HOMETOWN, in the song. For that the Kings must burn in the hole that is the 18th spot. Fuck “I Love LA”.
#17: Crowd Chant – Joe Satriani (Minnesota Wild and New York Islanders)
It’s perfectly easy to see why two teams would use the song. It gets the job done and everybody knows the word(s). It suffers from woahs disease, but so what, at this point a good rhythm makes a good goal song. But here’s the thing, the song loses points in originality and uniqueness when two teams use it. There are subtle quirks to each teams version, namely the horn, but they use the same song.
#16: Feeling Good – The Sheepdogs (Toronto Maple Leafs)
The Leafs have the right idea with this song, an alt rock song with wide appeal, but are barking up the wrong tree. I’d like to see them use “Trainwreck 1979” from local band Death From Above 1979, which gets the right vibe, the local ties, and the woahs disease in one fell swoop. Plus, if you make it = goals, Toronto wants all the goals.
#15: Howl – Gaslight Anthem (New Jersey Devils)
Howl’s a good song, it doesn’t suffer from any of the illnesses of the bottom half, and it’s heys instead of whoas, and that’s why its in the top half. There’s just better songs ahead of it. Welcome to the top half.
#14: I Like It, I Love It – Tim McGraw (Nashville Predators)
This song fits the city’s vibe as the center of country music, and it’s specifically meant for Nashville, with the singer mentioning the team, in this customized version. There’s better country songs out there, which is why it’s fallen this low, plus it’s a country song, and the only truly good country singer in today’s landscape is Kacey Musgraves. FIGHT ME. (Dolly Parton and Willie Nelson are of yesterday’s landscape)
#13: Born to Rage – Dada Life (Colorado Avalanche)
Yep, the team I hate most in the world is in the top half, but only barely. They’ve made the right selection, I just wish they’d use a better part of the song, namely the beginning. Having the horn lead right the song starting a minute in until where they start it with – USA YOU WERE BORN TO RAGE – is a better goal song, plus you get the place jumping and end it with the culmination of a chant.
#12: Out of Our Heads – Dropkick Murphys (Florida Panthers)
It seems the wrong team took my recommendation of using the Dropkick Murphys. Don’t get me wrong, this is a great song to use for a goal song, but I don’t get why the Panthers are using a Boston band to celebrate. It gets the job done, but there are so many Florida based/bred bands that it’s hard to believe the Panthers didn’t pick one of them. You have Lynyrd Skynyrd, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, Against Me!, hell, even Backstreet Boys. Now all I want to see is the Panthers score a key goal in the playoffs and have this play. Holy Shit, now this needs to be a thing. Right until the first “Back Street’s Back, Alright”.
#11: The Nights – Avicii (Carolina Hurricanes)
The song gets an boost from Nature Boy Ric Flair’s signature “woo!”, but it’s not a bad song on it’s own. Avicii’s a great EDM artist who knows what he’s doing, which is more than you can say for some, and the song is one of his better tracks. I would rather see the band use Avicii’s The Days off the same album, though, because it’s a more upbeat song, and the snapping would be amazing in a full stadium. And the more upbeat rhythm would go better with a louder, longer “woo!” which is what the Hurricanes truly need.
#10: Puck Off – Pantera (Dallas Stars)
Ah, the top 10, the best of the best. Sadly, I’m not nor perhaps ever will be a fan of the band Pantera, which is why this song is as low as it is. The cool thing for Dallas is that you have one of the best bands maybe ever in metal/rock writing a hockey themed song just for you, and it gets your fanbase pumped. It does its job and does it well, and the crowd gets jumping. Plus, with Dallas’s offense and what they need to do to make the playoffs, its not a bad song to be played over and over and over and over every game. Plus the song title is a pun off something I’d like the Stars to do.
#9: Howlin’ For You – The Black Keys (Arizona Coyotes)
This perfectly fits with the Coyotes, plus the customized version with an actual coyote, while kind of ruining the song, fits with the theme. It’s one of the best fits, but it’s also a slower song and not the fist pumping heart race like songs ahead of it, so it falls to the bottom of the top 10.
#8: Get Ready For This – 2 Unlimited (San Jose Sharks)
Alright, so here’s the thing, the same thing I give crap to Kraftwerk for works for Get Ready for This. Kraftwerk is in every stadium, but it’s a middling song in those stadiums. Get Ready for This is a 90’s throwback, one that still works to this day, and is upper tier in every stadium. The “Ya’ll Ready For This” when it enters is legendary, and it just gets you moving. Plus, it featured prominently in THE movie Space Jam, and so reminds me of MJ and when Chicago sports (except hockey) were at their peak, cause Chicago went from the greatest football player of all time in “Sweetness” Walter Payton to the greatest basketball player ever in Jordan. No city has had that amount of athletic success since. No, not even Boston. Tom Brady is the greatest QB of all time, but who’s their second? Ortiz? He comes nowhere near the greatest baseball player of all time.
The only way the Sharks goal song is getting better was if they went with this glory instead.
#7: Le But – Loco Locass (Montreal Canadiens)
This French rap – that’s what it is, believe it or not, is all about the rapper’s love for the Habs, and what’s more special than that? Plus, as I’ll discuss soon, there needs to be more rap goal songs and less electronic. This song, which includes lyrics like “just like Maurice did/we slide into the arena with hatred of defeat” and “When it’s a matter of hockey/we don’t get too fancy, okay/it’s more than a sport/it’s a metaphor for our destiny”. Dude. That song works for the Habs. Now the Habs need to work for that song. That’s a song you gotta earn. Why is it this low? Cause it’s in French. And I’m getting there in terms of fluency but the dude raps fast.
#6: For Those About to Rock/The Whip – AC/DC/Locksley (Columbus Blue Jackets)
Alright, so here’s why this song is number 6, above songs from the nineties and a French rap entirely about the love for the Canadiens – they fire a fucking cannon during For Those About to Rock. That alone gives the Jackets number 6. Locksley’s “the Whip”, perhaps the catchiest song on this list, is icing on an actual functioning cannon in an enclosed dome chocolate cake.
#5: Party Hard – Andrew WK (Pittsburgh Penguins)
When what you put on the ice is an actual party, there is no more fitting goal song. And that’s what the Penguins did last year and what they look to do again this year. Plus, Andrew WK trashes (or trashed) the stage like the Penguins trash an opposing goaltender and defense.
#4: Gonna Fly Now/Secrets – Bill Conti/Tiesto (Philadelphia Flyers)
Gonna Fly Now is the Philadelphia song. It’s the song that defines the city and all that city holds dear. And it fucking works as the Flyers’ goal song. It just works. The only way this song is going to be higher is if the Flyers ponied up and just got rid of the second song, which is not a bad song, because it’s Tiesto, and in my power rankings he’s top 10, but it’s also not one of his best songs. Gonna Fly Now would work perfectly on its own and I don’t understand why the Flyers aren’t rolling with just it.
#3: Bro Hymn – Pennywise (Anaheim Ducks)
I’m not gonna lie, Bro Hymn was one of the songs that got me through a really tough time. I love that song, and it’s a good goal song. This song is above Gonna Fly Now just because of it’s sentimental purpose to me. But it’s also a unique song about loss and that’s something the Ducks know a lot about, especially in game 7s, especially at home, so hopefully that song reminds them to keep going.
#2: Let Me Clear My Throat – DJ Kool (Buffalo Sabres)
Like I said, there needs to be more rap in goal songs, and Let Me Clear My Throat is not only a rap song, its a funk song, and it’s a perfect blend. This is such a good song. When the horns come in, and it’s just “JUMP JUMP JUMP” it hits dude. That’s a rocking stadium, especially up North where they need it most, where the Sabres are one of their only two teams, this song gets a city moving. The saxophone and the lyrics work, everything about this song works, and it’s the most underrated (by everyone else) in the league.
When talking about adding more rap, the number one song – which you can probably see by now – can’t be improved. At all. It’s perfect. But if you were to try and eke out improvement, you might be able to do it with the most heart thumping songs from local rappers like Kanye West and Chance. Like this one, this one, or this one (with a good remix from the man himself). That’s the only way that song could be improved.
#1: Chelsea Dagger – The Fratellis (Chicago Blackhawks)
What else was it going to be?